Monthly Archives: August 2012

Transcript of The New Jersey JuggalosB4Hoes Chat Room

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

Hey fags, stop sucking each other’s dicks and listen the fuck up! The greatest musical act in the galaxy is coming to Jersey. That is right cockwads! the Insane fucking Clown Posse! Ever since I saw it posted on their MySpace Page I have been waking up with a raging boner.

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4ForLife:

New Jersey JuggalosB4hoes for life! Fuck mother fucking yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I saw that shit too: I was so stoked I spent the whole day throwing bottles at school busses. I had to huff paint thinner just to calm the fuck down.

Todd:

Hey guys I’m excited too; my dad is even going to come. We bought clown paint together at Target. It’s gonna be super sweet.

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

You are such a fag Todd.

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Yeah Todd, I bet your dad is gonna have sex with you, cause he is a fag too. You both have fag genes.

Todd:

Guys I said to stop saying my dad molests me. He is a dentist and likes baseball.

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

Yeah he bases your balls in his mouth.

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Yeah and pubes too haha!!!!!!

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

Yeah he makes his own floss out of your pubes.

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Yeah Todd you are a dick floss.

Todd:

Hey, stop guys. I am a loyal Juggalo and secretary of The Long Island JuggalosB4Hoes. We are Juggalo brothers we got to have each others back. I am still getting beat up at school by JuggaloHataz.

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

Chill out Todd & plug up your bleeding vagina.

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Yeah Todd go to dentist and have your dad give you an anal filling and stop being such a fag. Juggalos got to be willing to get beat up by the Hataz.

Todd:

I got stuffed in a locker and they keep calling me clown cum stain.

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

Todd, You should get strapped and shoot them in the head.

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Yeah, do a Columbine Todd. Sacrifice your self. If u did you would be known as Juggaglo Jesus.

Todd:

Sometimes I do think about doing it…I have never told anyone…it is just getting harder. Guys. I can’t keep facing it every day.

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

You can’t keep your dad’s dick in your ass anymore.

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Haha! Yeah, you are worthless Todd. You should just off yourself and kill them. How would you do it?

Todd:

I think About taking my dad’s shotgun for deer hunting and just ending it all..

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Yeah, Todd, go kill yourself and somebody.

Todd:

…All I have is the Juggalos–I’ve always liked clowns…but the Juggalos…none of you guys like me, no one thinks I’m cool. Even my Juggalo brothers think I am lame and my dad…he looks at me like a dissapointment…you guys are right, I really should just fucking end it. It will always be this way.

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Wait…what the fuck. Stop this fag talk Todd! You are starting to freak me out.

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

Yeah Todd, stop being a fag we are just fucking around. You don’t want to miss the concert. Come on.

Todd:

It won’t be fun; I’ll be picked on there just like everywhere else…If there Heaven I bet it really is like Juggalo Island. I bet is better than here. I want, to be on that Island, but it doesn’t exist. Maybe only in Heaven…My dad has these pills…if you take too many…you don’t wake up.

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

Dude, stop talking this gay shit and hook us up, bring them to the concert. We can all get fucked up at the show. They sound like awesome downers.

Todd:

Todd:

I’m sorry guys….I can’t bring them cause I just took them all. I am not going to show. Do you think they let you wear clown make up in Heaven guys? Of course they do. Heaven is Juggalo Island. It has to be.

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Stop fucking with us Todd! This is not funny!

Todd:

It feels good. I drank them all with orange soda. I can already feel myself getting sleepy. It can be like the Juggalo dream, but real. If not, then at least I will not wake up and face it.

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

This really is not funny Todd!! You are being a total fag. We were kidding. Stop this! Stop fucking around!

Todd:

You know, you were my only real friends, but you guys aren’t even cool to me. Even my own Juggalos act like jerks. I have no one. I like the idea of never waking up.

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

Dude stop it, this is really fucked up, we are sorry Todd come on man. The show! The Show!

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Make yourself puke. Stop it Todd. Call the fucking police, and get your stomach pumped!

Todd:

No. I puke everyday on my way to school. I am sick of puking. I want to feel good and not want to puke. I am ready to go the Juggalo Island in the Sky. Good Bye guys…

SlimShadySucksDicksJuggalo4Life:

Todd no! Stop!!!!

ThatIsNotClownMakeUpOnYourFaceItsMyCum:

Todd, I’m….

Todd: (Has signed off.)

Pitchfork Indie Rock Intern Interviews Tyga About ‘Rack City’

*Author’s Note, if you are unfamiliar with the awesome crunkness of the rap artist Tyga please watch his video Rack City. If you have already, watch it again, enjoy the booties and then enjoy this leaked interview between him and Pitchfork.

Pitchfork: Thank you Tyga for coming, we are glad you are taking the time as Pitchfork is trying to grow our urban audience.

Tyga: Wait, what is this bullshit?! I thought you mutha fuckaz was a barbecue joint; you ain’t hooking me up with some ribs & sponsorship? I got to talk to my label about this…this is some bullshit…y’all at least could have brought me some nachos.

Pitchfork: Um…no we don’t have nachos and I apologize if there was confusion. We are an indie rock online magazine trying to embrace all types of music now…that said Tyga, I must say listening to ‘Rack City’ I could hear a tight minimalism that reminded me of an Urban Britt Daniels; we’re you under the influence of Spoon? Are you a huge as fan as I am of GaGaGaGa? Am I right?

Tyga: Listen you alien looking tight ass jeans wearing mother fucker. Are you stupid?! Why the fuck would I need to be shooting up and making baby noises to make a song about titties. You got thick ass glasses on like you smart but you seem stupider than a mother fucker. I got to text my agent about this bullshit. You got lap dance time, then I’m bouncing.

Pitchfork: um, I appologize…lap dance time…oh I see..So let’s cut to the chase. What is Rack City?

Tyga: Where the titties be bouncing, ten’s and twenties on your titties bitch. Mother fucker, you even listen to my shit.

Pitchfork: Of course Tyga. A line I found very poignant and a little punk rock was ‘I got your grandma on my dick.’ Now, I must say how I read that line was that you were challenging ageism. Do you find older women sexy and believe they should be thought of as having sexual vitality. That beauty has no age.

Tyga: Nah, I don’t like saggy titties, but I am such a balla I got grandma’s wanting to be on my dick. It’s how shit be.

Pitchfork: a baller, yes, I see…but who really are the ballers? Who has the power? You know what I mean…times are tough and even the elderly have to do somethings for cash. Very proactive Tyga, very Lou Reed in the Nico years…You mention the line ‘throwing hundreds’. Are you commenting on the wastefulness of the 1%?

Tyga: Wait, are you talking about cutting the product by only 1%, damn yo, you’d be broke if you did that shit. Hell yeah, that is wasteful. You can’t move good shit that way.

Pitchfork: Um…yeah, I totally agree. We are finding common ground. Let’s find some more. So I am indie rock guy; we are trying to bring the cultures together. Right now, my favorite band is Grizzly Bear, now if I could get a little self-indulgent I think you could use them for a chorus or even a little collab. They can do a little remix on Rack City…it would be epic. Check this song out…here I have them on my I-Phone…

Tyga: …They sound like ballless dick suckers.

Pitchfork: Tyga, with all due respect do you not hear the melodies of grace coming out of these boys mouths.

Tyga: I hear them humming while sucking on dicks.

Pitchfork:…well, we all have different tastes.

Tyga: Man you skinny, them jeans look tight. You on the pipe yo.

Pitchfork: I smoke some herb now and then Tyga.

Tyga: Word. I’d roll a blunt but I’m already hungrier than a mother fucker. So on the real…am I really not getting a Barbecue sponsorship; y’all seriously aren’t playing, you really having nothing to do with any kind of food joints.

Pitchfork: Um, sorry Tyga, but we do reach millions of eager music loving readers.

Tyga: I don’t give a fuck; I just want a good ass sandwich right now. Shit, my manager tricked my ass. Fucking shame, I really wanted to start Tyga hot sauce. It would be huge in the hood, I got to get on that Shark Tank show or something…

Pitchfork: Once again I am sorry Tyga we are not a barbecue chain.

Tyga: It’s a’ight. I saw an Arby’s down the street. I’m gonna bounce; get me a chicken salad sandwich.

Pitchfork: Um…alright, ugh…any last words for Pitchfork.

Tyga: Yeah, go suck Grizzly Bear’s balls. I’m out. Rack City Bitch, Rack Rack City Bitch…

Available on Amazon!

Available on Amazon!

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