In “The Passion of The Christoph”, there is a chapter in the book I copied from The Illuminati Monthly Email Titled “Operation Black Dress”. You see, being an ex-Porn Manager in DC I was able to make some major political connections and found out the truth about The Illuminati and was able to get their e-mail forwarded to me by a very powerful man and member because he wanted his tranny renting kept a secret.
I learned The Illuminati is very real but they are not rappers like Jay-Z they are actually a white supremacist group (they are ‘The Man’) out to make sure black men are emasculated and kept down.
They do so by using Hollywood to put them in dresses as many great black actors and comedians have had to wear a dress in major films. This is why Dave Chappelle fled to Africa–he would not wear the dress in his unfinished season of “Chappelle Show”.
Their current main targets are now Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington as they feel those two represent the power, strength, and dignity of the modern black man. They are using the tea party to emasculate Obama.
Kevin Hart is fellow humorist and reader of my book; he e-mailed me recently that he was very upset that he was not included in “Operation Black Dress”.
Here is Kevin Hart’s email to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
What up Christoph,
“The Passion of The Christoph” is as funny as one my comedy specials. I was enjoying the shit out of it, on the real, dope as fuck but then I got to chapter “Illuminati Monthly Emails: Operation Black Dress” and read that shit and it pissed me the fuck off. Your Shia Labeouf looking ass needs to find away to tell these fools this is some bullshit.
Look, I don’t give a fuck that The Illuminati is racist and wants brothas in dresses; that’s fine, The Man wants brothas doing stupid shit all the time–nothing new about that, but what pisses me off is they don’t even mention me. The Man don’t even care if I am in a dress or not. It is insulting, and I feel slighted. It makes me feel like a brotha is back on the basketball court.
So what’s the deal, am I not enough of a threat or a masculine enough for The Illuminati to put me in a dress in a movie franchise like Wesley, Martin (I’m funnier than that mother fucker), Perry, &/or even Eddie Murphy? I might be Tom Cruise’s height but I’m a crazy dangerous mother fucker too. I don’t jump on couches but I’ve fucked some white bitches on them.
The Man needs to recognize I am a star on the rise & frankly I am insulted that I have not been offered a movie where I wear a dress.
Shit, I did “Soul Plane” I’d do “She Got Game 2” or even play Madea’s cousin Shantel if offered. Whatever, I don’t give a fuck. Putting on the dress don’t bother me; The Man thinks they are emasculating a brotha by putting him in a dress but those dumb asses don’t realize it is now a status symbol. I could pull twice the pussy if I got in the dress. That is where the loot is at. That’s franchise shit right there.
Christoph, I want me some Big Momma Money; so you tell them Illuminati racists mother fuckers that I am a size 4 & I will be waiting to hear from my agent.
Your favorite black comic that is not Chris Rock,