As many of you know, I was a porn manager on the border of Maryland and Washington, DC. When the story broke about Jacoby Jones being injured by a stripper named Sweet Pea. I called (an unnamed source) to see if I could speak with Sweet Pea, who allegedly broke a campagne bottle over wide receiver Jacoby Jones’ head. After a few a phone calls and returned favors, I was able to get her on the phone.
She was so kind to give me a quick interview and share her side of the story. Here is Sweet Pea’s side of the story.
Christoph: Thank you Sweet Pea, I appreciate you giving a few minutes of your time and you know from my sources that I am not a man of judgement just a searcher of truth. So, lets cut to it. What happened that night with Jacoby Jones…and I give you my word, I will not edit your words.
Sweet Pea: Shit, a’ight. Well, that fool Jacoby was like saying he wanted me to twerk like Miley Cyrus and shit while he’s chilling on the bus. So I’m a down ass bitch, and know that mother fucker can catch balls but he stupid as hell. Cause yo, on the real, I’m twerking my shit good and he starts to drink champagne from the bottle. I’m bouncing with my back to him so I don’t know this shit, so my ass…which is a good onion sized booty, hits that fool’s elbow and that bottle breaks against the side of his head.
Christoph: So let me get this straight, there was no fight.
Sweet Pea: Nah, Christoph, it was a ‘twerkident’.
Christoph: Excuse me, I don’t follow you. Are you talking about gum?
Sweet Pea: Nah, not, fucking Trident, ‘Twerkident’ it means an accident caused by twerking.
Christoph: oh, I’m sorry, I’m really white.
Sweet Pea: It’s all good baby, I’m just glad the truth is out…look it ain’t no ting, ain’t no deer antlers or steroids. Just boys enjoying a win get their party on. Moral of the story: just don’t drink and twerk.
Christoph: Ok, thank you. That clears it up, anything else that…
Sweet Pea: Baby, you nice and shit but I got to go. Sorry.
Christoph: Ok, Thank you Sweet Pea, I understand. Thank you again and I wish you well.
Sweet Pea: Thanks baby. Peace. And go Raven!