I want to apologize for misunderstanding you.

I honestly thought y’all just watch “Mean Girls” and listen to Drake all day. But I was wrong, you do something that I value–you read books.

I kind of knew this but I thought you just read paranormal romances which you do but I also noticed something about your reading tastes–you like humor, pop culture, romanticism, and jokes that involve private parts.

That is my thing! That is what I do and I do it well.

At The Miami Book Fest a bunch of y’all stopped at my booth and loved my books. While many teenage boys think ‘reading is for fags’, you happily paid me money and as a D + List Jewish writer you are multiple pierced angels with bangs.

My editor keeps preaching to me that I need to appeal more to women. But now I see she was half-right, as I have noticed appealing to women has been like Obama 08′ trying to get white women over 40 to vote for him. It’s not happening. My ‘brand’ of humor is not for them (not all, but the majority). Probably never will be. I also have accepted “literary people” see me as a joke but some enjoy me as a guilty pleasure.

But girls (like, real ones, not the TV show) get me.

And you read!

I observed you have actual conversations together about my books and others. It was like watching little mini-book clubs through out the day.

You shared with each other while reading “Psychoanalytic Celebrity Poems” and by god y’all are pretty well read and smart. Y’all sounded like you at least get B’s in English and even enjoyed the line about what Lana Del Rey’s pussy tasted like.

Thanks, I like that line too.

You also love Twitter and think Facebook is lame–me too.

How did we not find each other sooner?

So Teenage Girls, I will keep pumping out books that are funny and fun (except for “Demons in the TV” don’t read that one) that I hope you enjoy as much as Drake’s emo rapping.

Thanks,
Christoph

PS: Try not to do drugs and date football players until college.

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