I went to BizarroCon to embrace being a weird writer and meet other ones and that happened. The inspiration gave me the extra push to finish stories for “Demons in The TV”, but something else happened at BizarroCon.
I met my oldest friend and oldest love.
I had strange high school experiences, those who read “The Passion of The Christoph”, know what I am talking about.
After all the bouncing around I ended up at a one-on-one tutoring school (I’m basing YA novel on that experience cause it was also dysfunctional and hilarious) and the place kind of sucked except for the art teacher I had, Miss. Dawne, who I fell madly in love with and must say she was and is my first love.
Now, I wish this was more juicy but those feelings were one-sided (and Miss. Dawne has you know, morals and stuff) but Miss. Dawne and I became close friends and developed a deep connection as I was a troubled kid and we became really close.
It was a special relationship, it was never sexual but there was a bond and a true connection. We ended up doing things outside of school and we even went and saw movies and Marilyn Manson together.
It was an unusual but special friendship.
Years passed and I dated and got into relationships hoping to meet someone who made me feel the way I felt for The Art Teacher.
She ended up getting married and invited me to the wedding but I just couldn’t go. Looking back I say I struggled to find a date, but deep down I was upset and very jealous and felt he was the wrong the guy.
Time passed and technology improved and many years later I got a message on Facebook and saw that face I had loved and still do for all those years.
I was so happy to hear from her and we both had been going through hell, as her marriage was ending and she was reaching out to an old friend and I had just moved to New York, very lonely and struggling with an awful job and getting my writing and band going.
We both were going through hardships that were more adult than ones we went through during my high schools years.
During those high school years we would always talk about are ‘stuff’ but now ‘both’ of us being adults our conversations got deeper as we wrote Facebook messages and then e-mails and eventually they were phone calls.
Then we saw each other; it was in DC I was still in the band The Only Prescription and still had the feelings I always had for her, but I couldn’t tell if it was mutual.
Looking back it still wasn’t time, but we talked more, got closer, and I started to flirt more–tiptoeing into a zone were we could be more than friends.
We didn’t see each other again until she visited New York and we had the best time; it was clear that there was something there, it was felt on both sides, but I was too nervous to tell her and neither us made a move but I could tell she saw me more than just her old student.
Before she left New York, I told her I was going to a writers conference called BizarroCon in Portland, as she was moving to Oregon and we’d meet again.
Still the relationship was very “Harry Met Sally” with a PG Rated Mary Kay Letourneau past. There was all these obvious feelings and history but nothing had been said or shared.
BizarroCon eventually came and I loved it; I felt very at home with these writers, and then I saw her. She came after dinner and she still looked beautiful and I wanted her.
We ended up spending the night together (sorry, no sex) but we shared how we felt and to keep this blogpost at a decent length, afterward we started to talk on the phone every day and we both have now fallen in love.
It’s funny, my goal in high school was to play rock n roll, sell books I thought were cool, and have my art teacher become my girlfriend.
So far I got to do those things it just took a very long time.
Yet, it is not all rose pedals, as being in love with someone who is on the other side of the country is hard, and me being the writer the only way I could deal with this longing was to write.
There is a certain genre that deals well with the longing of love and that is poetry.
So I wrote a lot of poems celebrating this feeling of it finally happening and as gift to her I am putting the collection I title “Love Spandrel” for Valentines Day.
These are poems that don’t care about what academia, journals, and the poetry establishment would say; it is just straight up ‘high school I am in love and it is intense kind of poems’.
They are not Neruda by any means but they are mine and from the heart expressing how this love story finally happened.
It might not be the usual love story, but it is ours and I am happy to write about it and celebrate it in this collection titled “Love Spandrel”.