garrett coook

1) As a boy I remember seeing pictures of Moses looking fresh and holding a cane. Was he the first pimp?

Absolutely. He didn’t take shit from some jiveass pharaoh. He made the Red Sea his bitch.

2) You wrote a book called “Time Pimp”, which deals with questions of bitches and indirectly impermanence; what are your thoughts on the Oprah’s favorite self-help book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and the Zen view of time?


3) I very much enjoyed “Time Pimp.” In the beginning you have the Time Pimp helping Dante, which is an awesome way to start a novel. What are your thoughts on his real world relationship with his muse Beatrice?

Shit. This is a huge, huge topic for me. Dante helped me past suicide during one of the darkest times of my life, losing a year of college, losing my grandfather, living in his room pouring through volumes of his insane rantings during some of which he declared that he wanted to murder me when I was a child. It reawakened me to the vastness and depth of creation and the lens through which Dante understood the glory, the vastness and the depth of creation was Beatrice. In love, he found reason and sense and that at the core of everything was a great big pulsing red heart like the one in his own chest. Translating Dante, reading his beautiful Vita Nuova, I opened myself fully to these possibilities and was brave enough to really love for the first time in my life. He may have lacked the courage or social graces or sense of self-worth to deal with the source of his ecstatic experience as a person, but that ecstasy was important and that ecstasy was the birth of our literature.

4) Damn, that was well-put. You are a ghostwriter and editor and even ghostwrote a book for a pimp; how does a pimp pay you for that? In hoes or cash flow?

He paid me in five hundred dollars. Five hundred dollars that I earned probably every bit as hard as the women in his stables. There was a lot of cognitive dissonance in that book, a lot of self-deception and a lot of Patriarchal schizophrenia. I went back to that cultural for “Time Pimp”, back to the confusing logical mobius strip of patriarchy.

5) Do you think we are going to move to a more enlightened age where bitches are more than hoes and tricks? Maybe tools and cards?

We are if we are ready to wake up from The Patriarch. When we stop trying to live up to an archetype that we’ve corrupted for so long, maybe we can, as men and as humans, all get to be who we are.

6) Ayn Rand makes an appearance in your book; what are thoughts on Rand’s philosophy of anti-altruism and the celebration of selfishness?

I think conscience was our first technology and it’s how we thrived. And I think selfishness defies the love and altruism that gave birth first to life coming to be in the universe and through us gave birth to society. Imagine if the Sun were too stingy to shine or the trees kept our carbon dioxide and gave us no oxygen. Rand is an affront to the generosity of creation.

7) You are very immersed in an unique literary scene labeled “Bizarro” that started in Portland. How did you learn and become part of this scene?

I read about Bizarro in an issue of Cemetery Dance with a Jeremy Johnson story and interview. Did some research, tanked the Eraserhead questionnaire that existed at the time and submitted to James Chapman at Fugue State Press. He liked Murderland but he couldn’t use it. A year later, during a time in which I was very confused in life, I heard about a publisher that was just opening up called Evil Nerd Empire from James. Jeremy Needle, who ran ENE accepted the book and encouraged me to start hanging out on Bizarrocentral. I began to make friends on Bizarrocentral, then attended Bizarrocon and won the first Ultimate Bizarro Showdown. Eraserhead offered me a potential contract for Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective. And that’s when I joined Eraserhead.

8) I really do love them as a press. You also edit as well as write. How does editing others work help your own writing?

Apostrophe after others. It reminds me to always be listening, to hear the cadence of the language. It can sometimes make me a little less trustful of my ideas, but the process is valuable. I’m lucky in that I am 99.9% dealing with non Pimps and non morons, whose work often gets me more excited about the process of creating. It often reminds me how lucky I am.

9) Totally was testing your editor skills with that question…yeah…so which will happen first: prostitution being totally legal or time traveling being possible?

This question implies that I know or care how time travel works.

10) Last question, what are you working on now?

I am currently wrapping up a couple new stories for a collection, writing a haunted house novel that will hopefully pass muster at Deadite and working on compiling the Giantsized Sex Issue of Imperial Youth Review. Buy all these things when they happen. Thanks, Chris!


You can buy Garrett Cook’s books here; they are pretty cool and I personally recommend him as an editor.

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