Saturday I took a break from writing and did a double feature (one in the theater, one on Netflix) excited for both movies; one exceeded expectations and one was a like I imagine gay dudes feel at a bath house seeing a small flaccid penis and feeling very disappointed.
The film that I’m using the small penis metaphor was The 300 Sequel. It was very flat and flaccid.
A lot of straight frat bros feel that 300 was the pinnacle of masculinity, but I thought it was a bad ass homoerotic action film. I was a history major and sold porn; the Greeks were very gay, it was cool back then do bang your best friend.
In my porn film selling day, many of the gay films I sold were so over done and you could give a shit about the characters, but in 300 it was all subtle and I enjoyed watching these hot dudes kill people and say cool things.
Watching the sequel made me having feelings of “longing” for Gerard Butler.
I realized he really is not an actor but a guy just meant to be a homo-erotic action porn star, and the awful thing hollywood did was trying to make him the rom-com go to guy.
This new leading guy had as much charisma as the corpse of King Leonidas and the only thing interesting in the movie was Eva Green, and even with her it all felt watered down and maybe the movie just needed more homoerotic violence (the hetero sex scene was fucking awkward and not hot, and just kind of stupid filler–this director made Zack Synder look like Martin Scorsese).
I don’t know, it needed something more than just Eva Green (whose talented as hell) being evil and badass. The movie was just a disappointment and though the climax had a nice moment, the best moment of the night was watching the trailer for the new X-Men movie. That gave me goosebumps, and honestly I had an erection–of the soul.
I went home with disappointment, did a little writing, talked to my lady (we are in a long-distance relationship) and saw on Facebook that How To Be A Man was now on Netflix and was stoked and put it on.
It is funny how good direction, script, and a lead actor can make a movie no matter small the budget and effects.
The film quality was not good and I could see it had no budget, but it worked with “Man” as it made the film feel more authentic and played to the plot.
I loved the film. It played to its strengths, which came to down to Gavin being funny and the evolution of the co-lead. It had a good structure and had me give a fuck about the characters.
It is a movie I will watch again and that is when I know a movie did its job and it did well.
It is a lot easier to write and bitch about how bad a film is than to write about how a good another is, with “How To Be A Man” my reviewing job is easy: it is just an awesome film and you should go see it.
It’s on Netflix so go watch it this week, I don’t need to give you a bunch of hoopla. My only complaint is I wish I had a chance to see it in the theaters.
Christoph Paul is an award-winning author of 5 books that cross different genres: humor, poetry, satire, bizarro, horror and non-fiction. He plays rock music in band Moses Moses but wishes he could be a gangsta rapper. He loves The Miami Dolphins, Thai Food, and wearing Crocs (they are comfortable haters). His next book that isn’t lame will be “Tits From Hell”.