From upcoming book “God Hates Fred Phelps”
“Come with me Fred Phelps, I shall show you all of Hell and its dark glory.” Said Satan.
Fred Phelps shook his head with agony. He was not used to feeling such pain, but he went along with the Devil staying on the land of Hell which was better than its fiery sea of tormented souls.
They continued to walk through Hell, as Phelps looked around confused at all the souls he saw and said, “Where are all the faggots? I just see murders and mimes.”
Satan morphed his body lower so he could be at Phelps’ level and said, “We rarely get any homosexuals, they are usually kind people, the gays. We only get pedophiles and many were Catholic priests. I still don’t know why all Mimes go to Hell, it could be Jehovah’s way to torture me.”
“Well this is just a bunch of crap. How the hell is heaven full of bunch of faggots? The angels are gonna be covered with real fairy dust. The sodomites are probably raping the angels right now as we speak.”
“I do not know what happens in Heaven Phelps but I do know when God became Jesus he became more tolerant and began to defy his own laws. Christ never even said anything about homosexuals in the New Testament. I actually agree with you. I think the gays are just dumb monkeys that can’t have sex correctly—human beings are such an idiot species. I told Jehovah from the beginning it was a mistake.”
Phelps paused, he couldn’t believe his ears: Satan himself was making more sense and understood the Law of God and The Holy Spirit more than Christ and God Themselves.
They continued to walk further into Hell and Satan said to Phelps while approaching a familiar face, “Here, let me introduce to one of my favorite arrivals from the last century. Almost lost him to the damn Mormons. ”
They arrived to a man with dark hair and his back to them. He was watching what looked to be very Jewish looking souls being tormented in Hell’s fiery sea.
Satan tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Adolf, stop looking at Jews being tortured and meet a new arrival. He’s quite an interesting fellow. From the Americas.”
Fred Phelps was shocked to see Hitler but Adolf gave him a warm smile and said, “Welcome, pure Aryan man. It is good to look at the Jewish murders and thieves being tortured in the sea of Hell. Like rats they gather together and the hellfire is the pesticide. It is like Auschwitz. Ah, the Jews still burn so well. They only thing that saddens me is there are not many homosexuals to watch be tortured. Gypsies too. But you can’t complain when in Hell.”
Phelps was about to say, ‘damn, you to hell Hitler’, but realized they were already there, and thought for a second: huh, well I’ll be damned he’s got a point, and I don’t like the Jews either. Well, gosh darn, Hitler and Satan or making more sense than most Christians and even Jesus himself.
He looked at Hitler and said, “Mr. Hitler, I must admit, my country has become what you warned us of. I was taught you were a bad man, but I see now you were right. Them Jews and faggots, they have ruined the world and even God is blind to it!”
Satan nodded his head in agreement as Hitler said to Fred Phelps, “Yah, your country has many fools who follow the weak love of Christ. Even the pure white man of America has gotten stupid, look at the cult of the Mormons.”