I haven’t done a blog post in forever. There was a time when I lived to blog, but then it just became a pain in the ass. I got more interested in writing longer fiction and hoping to make a dollar with it, and then I just hit a wall with a number of projects. I wish it was because I couldn’t finish them but it was because I finished them and they sucked. After 3 drafts and you’re not excited or feeling it, they are sunken stories. Ones that I see now that where just exercises to make me learn. The hardest lesson and the one I am still learning now is I have to get better at the craft.
I hit a point where writing satire and humor just felt like masturbation without even cumming. I worried more about money than just doing it for art’s sake. I really respect authors who are able to crank out books that always meet a level of quality. I see for now, I am not at that point. I am less worried about branding and making bank and just want to write because it gives me fulfillment.
That is really the problem for me with a lot of things. I’ve felt like shit for a lot of my life and when I find something that gives me some feeling of strength and happiness I try to suck it dry. I am not a addict but I have all the characteristics of one and I’m looking for sobriety in a spiritual sense. Not God, not balanced chakras, but connection to something that brings joy for its own sake. So I write again with different goals, in a different place, and hoping to become a different man or just be happy with who I am now.