Britt McHenry

Hey you fat fucks and losers.

Here is my mock draft I did but ESPN are too much of a bunch of faggy pussies to post it, so I took naked pussy pics in my car and sent in to this Kike-Guido Christoph Paul to publish this. He thinks he’s moral but he’s as weak and disciplined as his limp dick Miami Dolphins. Whatever losers. These players are like me: hardworking and blessed with talent by God.

Sucks to be you.

Here’s my mock draft lowlifes

1) Tampa Bay Bucs: Jameis Winston

Like me, Winston was the ruler of his school. I know what it is liked to be awesome and to deal with haters. He did a favor for that girl who accused him rape, because she is obviously not hot enough for him. But I am, call me Jameis after your first playoff win.

2) Philly Eagles: Marcus Mariota (from Tennesse)

I think he’s kind of a pussy and not much a leader. I wouldn’t bang him and I don’t expect grown men to follow him. He can’t play in the pocket and he acts quiet and shy like the nerds who would do my homework for me in college. Yet, there is one man who can make anyone shine and that is Chip Kelly. Chip Kelly is a real American genius.

3) Jacksonville Jaguars: Amari Cooper

Jacksonville is stupid as towing attendants when it comes to drafting receivers, but Amari Cooper is as sure of a thing as fat girls at Ladies Night.

4) LA Raiders: Leonard Williams

I can’t wait till the Raiders are back in LA. I’m going to petition ESPN to have me cover them, so I can stop worrying about sports and get my own reality TV show.

5) Washington Redskins: Brandon Sheriff

The Redskins know RG3 is the best they are going to get and they need to protect them just like the area needs to stop retards hicks from towing.

6) New York Jets: Kevin White

The New York Jets are like the guys you fuck cause they have a cool house in a cool neighborhood, but you don’t want to marry them. They also like speed.

7) Chicago Bears: Vic Beasley

Jay Cutler gets so much shit from those deep dish eating fags. Um hello, he is married to Kristen Calavri. Why don’t one of you fat asses go play defense?!

8) Matt Ryan: Ereck Flowers

Matt Ryan and I would have the hottest kids & I want to work for CNN. Protect his symmetrical features Jew owner.

9) NY Giants: Devante Parker

Eli is as attractive as his QB skills. He needs receiver acrobats and get tested to see if he has Down syndrome.

10) Dallas (from Saint Louis): Todd Gurley

My friend from high school said she once gave Jerry Jones a hand job. She wasn’t hot but she was a pole vaulter. He is crazy and likes running backs & bold moves.

11) Minnesota Vikings: Tre Waynes

You know the Vikings head coach says “offensive things” too. That’s because he has balls & is the best defensive mind next to Rex Ryan.

12) Tennessee Titans (From Cleveland): Danny Shelton


13) New Orleans Saints: Nelson Agwhore

Like Drew Brees dating hot girls like me, the Saints will reach.

14) Miami Dolphins: JD Humpmes

Christoph’s faggy Dolphins need to at least protect Tannehill. To bad he is coached by Fire Marshall Bill.

15) San Francisco 49ers: Melvin Gordon

Everyone knows Christian Egyptians can’t throw a football.

16) Houston Oilers: Kevin Johnson

AJ Hawk is the best and deserves a good DB.

17) LA Chargers: Bershad Perriman

Sometimes I think about Philip Rivers sexually but then I remember he is retarded.

18) Kansas City Chiefs: Doral Green-Beckham

He is a thug and I see him working at a tow truck shithole in 5 years unless Andy Reid eats him.

19) Tennessee Titans: Byron Jones

It doesn’t matter.

20) Cleveland Browns: Randy Gregory

I am going to party with him and Manziel cause I’m hot & you’re not. Money signs dickeads…I’m out.

PS: All you assholes who tweeted at me for being cunt, you still masturbate about being in mine #YouveBeenBritted

Blog Host Note: Britt McHenry only did non-playoff team because she said, ‘winners stay winners’.

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