I’m gonna skip the Emo metaphors that could fill a long Proust-like paragraph about what depression feels like. Let’s just leave it at it sucks and you don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone…damn, though, I have a good one about a Satan and barbells, but I’ll let it go.
I’ve been on Effexor for about 5 weeks and I feel like myself again. Some of you might not know who the hell I am, but I like doing creative things, exercise, talking to people, and having sex. I’m starting to do at least 3 1/4 of those things. Effexor has really worked well. I am writing again and talking to people. I don’t feel like quoting Satre or Camus. Hell, I’m not even watching French Films, even the bonerific Blue Is The Warmest Color. Though a great film, it is the only non-porn movie that ever made me horny. That has been the one drawback from being on Meds–my sex drive is still low.
I know this to be true because below is a picture (girlfriend approved this, she enjoys posting shit like this on Facebook) is my girlfriend. Who would not want to tap that at least every other day.
It’s a shitty side effect. I let myself go for a while and also gained weight. I’m not young but I’m not old and I feel like my testosterone is down. I am trying to get it back to its normal above average amount by dieting, working out, and meditating. Having a belly and being miserable kills your testosterone. It also seems antidepressants can kill your sex drive.
Yet, I’ll take it. Because now I care about those listed above again.
What people don’t understand is being in a depressive state can end up feeling like you’ve been on a 9 month drinking binge. You feel like you can barely move. Everything feels 50 times harder than it should be.
It feels good to care again. I might have to work harder to get my ball juices (that’s probably not a technical term) flowing, but at least I don’t want drown in my own toxicity. Depression isn’t even a cool disorder like alcoholism, you aren’t partying, you are instead watching a lot of ESPN and avoiding everyone outside your house.
Unfortunately, we can’t conquer our ills or nature without a sacrifice. I sometimes wonder why the hell evolution let Depression stick around. It definitely doesn’t help you survive or even want to replicate. But with those meds I at least care about those things.
I will have to live cleaner and fix some of physical damage, and I can say being on a diet blows. But I want to be blown. The only medicine for making your body follow your thoughts is treating it well. Cause if I can’t appreciate that booty, then I’m still not back to normal. But I feel like I’m getting there.
I really do hope I get their soon, not just for my sake, but for my girlfriend’s too. Lack of sex makes her depressed.