scott walker

Scott Walker will not win the presidency. Either will Bernie Sanders. Or Jeb Bush, or almost any Republican. This time of year the political geeks (I admit to being one without a party) go nuts and don’t look at politics as regular non-political people do.

The American people are shallow and uniformed when it comes to politics and you know what, I think that is a good thing. I think political apathy is a healthy sign for how a country is doing. When the whole populace is really involved in politics during the primaries that means shit is really bad.

I’m not saying America’s shit doesn’t stink but we aren’t Uganda or Greece. On a side note, I love Greece so I hope shit goes well.

While political nerds go and share memes about Scott Walker or Bernie Sanders, they really have no clue that neither of these guys can win a national election.

Scott Walker just doesn’t have it. He actually looks like Dukakis. Moderates aren’t going to get excited about this guy. Politics is just like entertainment and Scott Walker just doesn’t have that leading man quality. And Bernie Sanders, giving me a fucking break.

That is the thing about the majority of the American people, they pick their president the same way they pick what movie they want to see. They want something with a star that makes them feel good. They aren’t going to see City Of God or what wins an Oscar. They aren’t film critics. They want something that makes think they won’t waste 2 hours of their life and they want a president they like who probably won’t fuck anything up and have a decent plot.

They want Michael Bay, whether it be in the theater or in the voting booth.

Like movies, politicians will live and die by getting the most sought out target audiences.

Scott Walker won’t win over women of any race and Bernie Sanders won’t win over black people. Jeb is a franchise that is box office poison. Rand Paul will win over “cool” white guys 18-34 but that is about it. Spanish people don’t want to vote for any of these people. Donald Trump is The Room and Mystery Science of Theater of candidates.

On both sides, there are almost no blockbusters. There really is just one sure hit and maybe one sleeper hit.

The two people who have a shot at being president in the national election is Hillary Clinton and Marc Rubio. Hillary is a remake of a successful franchise. She is Black Widow getting her own movie. I’m not saying I’m a Hilary fan but she has the money, the name recognition, and proof of a successful franchise. Most people remember the 90s as a good money years and BJgate. People don’t care that much about the BJ now, but they do like a good economy.

Marc Rubio I believe is the Sleeper Hit. He has star quality, attractive, he can do well with Hispanics, and his plot (or platform) is not a fucking mess or something regular people will laugh at.

Doing well in Florida is pretty much getting a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes. The only thing that it comes down to with Rubio is him not having a Tom Cruise couch moment by saying something real dumb to appeal to the Republican base. I don’t feel very confident about that statement. For all I know, he probably already said something stupid about Abortion which will hurt him with women as I write this.

I think for all the hoopla about the primary candidates, the election is already over. Hillary has the money, brand, and the lack of competition to win the primary and the national election. There is no Obama this year she has to contend with, (Liberals, please stop comparing Bernie Sanders to Jesus) and no threat to her losing women, black people, and Hispanics. It’s all demos and audience, not different then how Producers tell if a film is marketable. Unless something goes very wrong she is a sure-fire hit.

Marc Rubio has a shot if the stars align, but it is petty damn small shot like his polling in the Republican Primary.


Christoph Paul is the author of 6 books including Great White House and Demons in the TV

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